Hit Me

Am I the only one watching "Hit Me Baby One More Time" on NBC?

What? I am? Crap.

OK, so the rest of you have a survival instinct I lack. I'm left here - not by myself, but with the saddest, oddest assortment of musical flotsam ever seen on network television:

Balding Loverboy
Aged barfly Tiffany
CeCe Peniston, who looks fine and can still sing, but hasn't changed her name yet...
Arrested Development, who still rock, but whose lyrics ring hollow without youthful anger; and
A Flock of Seagulls, who came down for Bike Week in Daytona in '87 and never left.

And you know what? Everyone is fat.

Trust me, it's not pretty.

Hit me. No seriously. Hit me, and make me change the channel.

UPDATE: I thought I liked Los Lonely Boys' "Heaven" as it was, but Arrested Development just did it better.

But now Tiffany is back onstage with (for some reason I cannot fathom) a tummy-clinging outfit. Dear God -- my retinas... Manager?! Is there a manager in the house??